.....um.....

not really sure what to do, or say, or think. All i do know is . . . For you know who, remember that even though you read it on here. It may not be the full story, i might choose just to put one part of it on here. Just an FYI.

More to come later tonight, when i have a minute to sit down and actually write me thoughts out.

My recent decision

I don’t know how to explain what I am feeling about my recent decision I made. On one hand I am sad. I am sad to be losing a best friend, someone who could almost always make me smile, and someone who knew me inside and out. But on the other hand, I am happy. I was being held down, not by him but by myself. I was too afraid to go do something I wanted to do by myself because what if he wanted to hang out with me. I wanted to always be with him. I think that is what has been the best about all of this. I am finding my sense of independence again. I don’t want anyone to think that I lost my independence because of him. It was not his fault at all. It is something I do in all of my relationships (my mom, my best friends, and my family can all attest to this). I always start to depend on the guy and not myself. Prime example would be on Thanksgiving when I didn’t do anything with any of my family because I was waiting for him to invite me down to his family. That was so wrong of me. I am such an independent person, I should never have done that but I did.

It also hit me last night that I do this. Here I am driving home from seeing Gulliver’s Travels 3D with Liz and my first thought was who do I call on my way home. That was usually my time to call him and say “hey how was your day? What did you do? I am fine. I watched a movie with Liz. Blah. Blah. Blah.” I get so dependent on the person I am in a relationship with.

I need to be more independent!

That is what this year is going to be about. I am bound and determined to be out of my parent’s house by the end of March (I want to have the plan of where I am going by the end of Feb). I want to reconnect with friends that I have pushed away.

Well that’s the end of my rant. LoL.

Today my day will consist of trying to clean my room, trying out church online, getting my brakes fixed, packing for my trip to Jackson, MI, and maybe definitely working out.